We Have a Friend in Jesus
Summary and Discussion Questions
Based on a sermon by Pastor Kevin DeYoung
Sunday, October 4, 2026 | Christ Hills Church in Monroe, NC
Proverbs 17:17
We have our sayings. “A stitch in time saves nine.” “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” These little sayings are memorable because they capture a truth in a few simple words. But here’s another one worth remembering: Friends make life better.
Think about what keeps people coming back to church. Is it simply the music? The preaching? The programs? Those things matter, but I suspect two things often have more influence than we realize. First, people want to leave Sunday worship having felt something—convicted, encouraged, challenged, comforted, or reminded of the goodness of God. Second, they want to have meaningful friendships within the church community.
We can sustain so much in life, even when it’s difficult, if we have good friends walking beside us. But increasingly, we live in a culture where genuine friendship is becoming rare. In his book Bowling Alone, Robert Putnam described the decline of social connections and community involvement in America. We see it all around us. Homes have decks on the back instead of porches on the front. Kids’ activities fill the calendar. Screens connect us to hundreds—or thousands—of people online, while we may struggle to name a handful of people we could call at 2 a.m.
We have lots of relationships, but few friends.
An acquaintance is someone you see often, but there is no real obligation to see each other again. You see one another when life happens to put you in the same room. A friend is different. A friend is someone you would call in a crisis—and someone who would call you when life gets hard.
Family comes with obligations. Friendship is different because it’s voluntary. In fact, C. S. Lewis described friendship as the least natural of the loves because friends choose one another. The reality is we need both family and friends.
Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” Proverbs 20:6 asks a penetrating question: “A faithful man who can find?” So let’s ask an even more personal question: What kind of friend am I?
Sadly, those who need friends the most often don’t know how to be a friend. So consider three categories: fake friends, foul friends, and faithful friends.
Fake Friends
A fake friend uses you to get something for himself. The relationship is based on personal gain. Proverbs 14:20 observes that even a poor man can be hated by his neighbors, while the rich have many friends. Sometimes what looks like friendship is really just an attempt to get something—money, influence, connections, status, or some other benefit. A fake friend asks, “What can you do for me?”
Foul Friends
A foul friend may not be using you, but he certainly isn't making your life better. He is quick to criticize, easily annoyed, and constantly finding fault. He doesn't show much interest in you or what is happening in your life. He may be a brown-noser, always sucking up to those in charge, while creating unnecessary conflict with everyone else.
Proverbs 26:18–19 warns about the person who deceives his neighbor and then says, “I was only joking.” That kind of friend leaves you wounded rather than strengthened.
Faithful Friends
A faithful friend is different. Proverbs 27:10 says, “Do not forsake your friend.” It even suggests that a friend who is nearby can be better than a brother who is far away. A faithful friend is present for you. He doesn't disappear when life gets hard. In fact, suffering often gives us an opportunity to experience the sweetness of a good friend.
A faithful friend makes us better, not worse. Proverbs 27:9 says, “The sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.” And Proverbs 27:17 gives us a picture we all recognize: “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”
A good friend will tell you what you need to hear—not merely what you want to hear. A good friend offers wisdom, counsel, encouragement, correction, and companionship.
A Perfect Friend
But there is only one friend who is perfectly faithful. His name is Jesus. Jesus will never be a fake friend. He will never use you for His personal gain. He will never be a foul friend. He will never criticize you unfairly, abandon you when you struggle, or lead you into avoidable conflict. He is always faithful.
But Jesus is more than a faithful friend. He does more than make us better. He makes us new. He doesn't simply stand beside us while we struggle with sin. He delivers us from evil. He doesn't merely give us practical advice. He offers Himself.
Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). And that's exactly what He did.
We may have many acquaintances. We may have a handful of faithful friends. We may have family members who love us deeply. But above all of these, we have a Friend in Jesus. And that is a friendship worth treasuring.
Questions for Reflection & Discussion:
What kind of friend are you most often—fake, foul, or faithful? What evidence in your relationships supports your answer?
Who is one person God may be calling you to become a better friend to? What is one practical thing you could do this week to strengthen that friendship?
How does knowing that Jesus is the perfectly faithful Friend change the way you think about your struggles, your relationships, and your own failures?